When I am weak..

 

 

.. He is strong.

This morning I took a shower while sitting, got cleaned up (also while seated), dressed, made myself some breakfast, & then started feeling dizzy & faint.  I've been laying down & am experiencing some shortness of breath.  I think if it weren't for this anemia I'd be feeling a thousand times better.  I want to feel strong again.  Another opportunity to learn & practice patience.

This sudden illness has been a wake up call for me.  It showed me that I have no control from one day to the next, only God has ultimate control, & life is potentially very short if God does not intervene.  He determines the length of our days.  You can go from feeling totally normal & strong to incredibly weak & in pain.  Realizations like these prompt some personal questions: What kind of life am I living?  How am I using the time God has allotted for me?  Am I living right?  Am I living well?  Is there anyone I need to forgive?  Is there anyone I need to ask for forgiveness?  Do I have any regrets?  How might I live differently?

As questions like these started coming to mind, God providentially brought us to church yesterday.  The Pastor spoke about how good works do not produce a right relationship with God, only faith in Christ Jesus does.  And once we are born again by faith in Christ, good works ought to follow in obedience to God.  Pastor Philip De Courcy asked these biblical questions to assess the quality of the life we're living:

How did you handle being mistreated?  Matthew 5:11-12

How did you witness for Christ?  Daniel 12:3

How did you use your money?  1 Timothy 6:17-19

How did you endure your trials & handle your suffering?  James 1:12

How did you exercise self-control?  1 Corinthians 19:25-27

How did you live in light of eternity?  Did you love His appearing?  2 Timothy 4:8

How did you act at work?  Colossians 3:22-24

How did you serve other believers?  Hebrews 6:10

How did you use your time?  1 Peter 1:17

How did you seek God privately in prayer?  Matthew 6:6

How did you use the talents God gave you?  Matthew 25:14-29

How did you treat strangers & the poor?  Luke 14:12-14

How did you treat your enemies?  Luke 6:27-35

How did you live out God's plan for your life?  1 Corinthians 9:26

Each of these questions will determine what kind of rewards we will receive from God in heaven.  Faith in Christ's death on the cross for our sins and His resurrection is sufficient to secure our eternity in heaven, not a single good work is required.  That free gift of grace & forgiveness prompts us to turn away from our sins & pursue Christ instead.  Those who are born again in this way are granted entry to heaven after they die.  Even so, God will measure our lives according to those questions to determine what rewards He can give us.

The sermon made me eager to get back to what I used to do, & to do so with greater determination & focus than before.  My goal is to focus on what I can do rather than focusing on what I can't do during this season.  There is good I can contribute in spite of my current limitations.  My answers to those questions aren't perfect, but I am eager to do better with whatever time the Lord gives me.

I did blood work late last week at my oncologist's request to assess my anemia.  The doctor wanted to check my ferritin level (it's apparently related to the anemia).  My ferritin level is below the normal range of 16 to 154.  I'm currently at 11.  To add further confusion, my ferritin level was 72 on December 12th.  I'm a bit confused by this drop.  I tried reaching out to my nurse this morning, but I believe they are off for the Martin Luther King holiday.  I'm supposed to hear back on this and the possibility of chemo at my oncologist appointment on Wednesday.

Please pray for:

~ God's direction regarding whether or not I should do chemo

~ healing from anemia & increased strength

~ further reduction in my CEA tumor marker (it is down to 4 now from 65!  I need it under 2.5)

~ complete remission to continue living & serving God


We praise God for these answered prayer requests:

+ relief of pain and discomfort (I'm mostly experiencing soreness at this point)

+ success eating solid foods & a wider variety of foods

+ restful sleep for me & Trevor

+ restoration of peace

+ healing of my throat

+ removal of the ng tube

+ healing of my arm after removing the IVs

 

Thank you all for the prayers, meals, groceries, love, support & a thousand other things!  I am blessed far beyond what I deserve because of each of you.

Love you all,

Laura


P.S. I really love these socks - I have no clue who gave them to me - thank you so much :))



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